My friend Jackie and I often send each other links to comics or websites that we both find funny. We pretty much have the same sense of humor. Today, Jackie sent me one of the greatest things I have seen in awhile. The website Alligator Sunglasses got ahold of a dating guide for single women from the year 1938.
As a 27-year-old single girl in 2010, these images and blurbs opened my eyes to what I have been doing wrong. Yes, I realize that many social norms and expectations have changed in the last 72 years, I think it is safe to say the same basic ideas apply. Let us examine. At the bottom of this post I will review my takeaways from this advice (THINGS I WILL NO LONGER DO ON DATES) as I really have learned a lot. Here we go:
*Note - All photos taken from Alligator Sunglasses
Men don’t like girls who borrow their handkerchief and smudge it with makeup.
Don’t sit in awkward positions — and never look bored, even if you are.
This is how I was sitting when I read that:
Careless women never appeal to gentlemen. Don’t talk while dancing, for when a man dances he wants to dance.
What does being careless have to do with talking while dancing? Also, I thought that when a man dances he wants to bang.
If you need a brassiere, wear one.
This one is outdated. The 2010 version would read,
“Whether or not you need a brassiere, wear a leopard one, and then tighten the straps as far as they go to ensure your breasts get pushed together and forced up so high that your cleavage almost reaches your neck, your brassiere shows above the top of your tiny dress and the straps dig in to your shoulders causing deep, painful ridges.”
We all know that.
Don’t be familiar with your date by caressing him in public.
Does making out at the bar count? Or groping? If that’s the case, I’ve been mistaking humiliation for . . . um, something else.
Men don’t like tears, especially in public places.
I am screwed.
Don’t be familiar with the headwaiter.
I love being familiar with headwaiters! Also, bartenders.
Drinking may make some girls seem clever, but most get silly.
Maybe some girls get silly, but I certainly get clever when I drink. The more I drink, the more cleverer I get. I’m drunk right now.
Don’t be conspicuous talking to other men.
I know this one makes sense in theory, but how can I inconspicuously tousle the hair of the dude at the next table? Is there any discreet way to do this?
The last straw is to pass out from too much liquor. Chances are your date will never call you again!
Story. Of. My. Life.
These examples really did open my eyes to what I’ve been doing wrong and provided me with a new direction in my dating life. My takeaway from the advice is as follows.
THINGS I WILL NO LONGER DO ON DATES:
- Borrow his handkerchief
- Grope him
- Conspicuously hook up with guys at the next table and/or headwaiters (will only do this inconspicuously)
- Get wasted and pass out before we even get to my bedroom