A few weeks ago, Rachel’s clothes were all in the laundry and she was forced to cook naked. She posted a picture of herself wearing nothing but her apron. It was a hot picture and a lot of us went a little nuts over it. This is how I learned that side boob is the new cleavage.
Frustrated with the typical contests in the blogworld that don’t recognize creativity or humor, Rach decided to hold a blog contest of her own. One that any of us would have a shot at winning. And so Project Tasteless was born. Challenge #1? The Naked Chef Challenge. Because her own nude cooking was so wildly successful and, well, sexy.
And I had to participate. Being naked except for an apron sounded like exactly where I wanted to be.
First things first, I had to borrow an apron. I do not own an apron and really, I have no reason to. I turned to the Twitters with a request for an apron and my good friend Erica responded! She had an apron for me. One caveat — it said “Erica” on it.
That made it even better and funnier.
Okay so I had the apron, now I just needed a recipe and someone to cook for/assist me in taking the photos. Since I was going to be wearing nothing but an apron, I figured it was only fitting to ask a boy to come over. I started texting all the boys I know to find out who wanted me to cook naked for them.
No one did.
I could not find a single person willing to let me cook naked for him. Why are things like this so easy for women on TV? Why is it so hard for me? I decided to open the field up a bit and I turned to the Twitters, where I asked the world at large.
No one responded. I asked again. Nothing. Except for one guy who told me “I’m not that fat.” I think he was trying to make me feel better about no one wanting to see me naked. Uh, thanks. Block.
Then I tried on the apron and took a picture of myself in the mirror, which I proceeded to sext to the same guys who already shot me down. No one took the bait.
Luckily my roommate, who is rarely home, was spending the night in the apartment so I had someone to cook for and help me! Relieved, I could focus on the next pressing task: the recipe.
I am not a chef. I rarely order takeout, but the food I make for myself every day is very basic and very quick. I considered making my Magnolia Banana Pudding which is SO GOOD, but remembered a comment Rachel made once about how her boyfriend, one of Project Tasteless judges, does not like banana pudding. I thought hard about any other recipe I would be comfortable enough with to make nude. After all, you can’t just make a brand new recipe when you’re naked and anything can go wrong. Better to be familiar with the potential hazards. But I don’t really make anything. I eat pretty basic meals. I didn’t think I could dip bread in hummus and submit it for a contest. Then it hit me.
My Pasta is this really delicious pasta dish that my mom used to make for me starting in high school. Then I started making it myself. It is so good and so easy and delicious. My Pasta was the perfect recipe for this challenge. And yes, My Pasta is the official name. If my mom would ask what I was having for dinner and I responded with “My Pasta” she knew exactly what I meant.
When I tell you what is in my pasta, it will sound weird. The ingredients don’t seem like they should be in pasta and it might be hard to imagine them together. But I promise you — it tastes great and it really just works. My roommate agrees.
- One bag extra wide egg noodles
*Today though, I used one bag wide whole wheat egg white noodles to healthify it
- One can pineapple chunks in its own juice
- One container 1% cottage cheese (not whipped)
- Cook entire bag of noodles per instructions in large pot (larger than one shown, which was too small)
- While waiting for pasta to cook, drain juice from pineapple chunks (unpictured)
- If nude, pose seductively
- And drink wine
- Strain pasta when it is finished cooking and then pour it back in the pot
- But make sure you get your potholder down from on top of the cabinet
- Stir in container of cottage cheese right away, while pasta is very warm
- Stir in entire can of pineapples
- Stir in cinnamon, to taste (I use a lot)
- Repeat as needed
- Serve and eat
That was fun! And even better, a boy DID end up coming over. Sadly for all involved, I was fully dressed by that time. I found Project Tasteless Naked Chef Challenge to be a fun bonding experience with my roommate, who I have known for 10 years now. My recipe might not be the most creative or especially complicated, but it is easy and delicious and healthy. Cook it naked, and it is also fun.