Update below!
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I found out that I did not get accepted into the NYC Half Marathon through the lottery process. Or, I should say, I had a nightmare about not getting in and I woke up and checked the computer, which confirmed that I did not, in fact, get in.

I’m pretty crushed about this for a number of reasons, the main one being that this race takes place on my birthday, March 21. When will that ever happen again??! A new, ambitious distance to conquer ON my actual birthday? And I just started running back in June, so a half marathon on the start of a new year for myself would really set the stage for the year to come. Plus, how pumped would you be for a race before and during it if it was your birthday! It would have been a really cool start to a new year.

The other big reason I am upset is because I am on the fence about surgery. I haven’t made any decisions and won’t until I am 100% sure. But, if I do have surgery in April as I had originally planned, it might not be possible for me to run a half marathon anymore.  I’d really like to accomplish this goal before then.

I had selected April as a tentative time for surgery for a number of reasons, most importantly because my position at work is ending on March 31. It just made sense to do this when I don’t have to take a month of work off. However, if I were to find a new job within the next couple months, I would change my plans.

But again, I am not 100% sure I am even doing the surgery. I still have doubts.

I know there are other half marathons. I am considering abandoning the surgery idea and doing the More Magazine/Fitness Magazine Women’s Half Marathon in April.  But I am not ready to commit yet without knowing what is going on with my medical situation. And if I sign up, it would be making a decision on surgery before I am ready. But I am considering it. Strongly…

And I have been toying with the idea of guaranteed NYC Half Marathon entry by running for a charity. While this is of course a wonderful thing to do, I am not sure about this either because I would have to raise at least $1,000 depending on which charity I choose, and I don’t know if I can do that. Do you have any good ideas for fundraising? I’m not one to organize any type of blogger bake sale, but I would be interested in hearing any other ideas you have. If $1,000 can seem attainable and not a big scary number, I might do it. But I’d have to decide soon because I need to train.

Maybe I am overreacting or being dramatic. This is just a race, after all. There are much more important things to worry about; I do realize that.  It is also 5:05 am right now so maybe I just need to sleep and wake up and I will feel better. But for now, please let me know what you think about me running for a charity.

Thanks blogworld.
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Update: I signed up with a charity and I have an amazing fundraiser coming. More info coming soon!!!!

Back in June, I did a three day Blueprint Cleanse. Then, in October, I did Organic Avenue LOVEdeep for five days.

And now I am on the third day of another three day Blueprint Cleanse. Last time I chose the Level 3 Excavation Cleanse. This time I opted for Level 1, the Renovation Cleanse. This is because while I love green juice and drink it every day, I really don’t like BPC’s green juice. I figured out that it is because they include romaine, which just doesn’t taste good juiced to me. Level 3 contained four green juices a day, while Level 1 only contains two. Two I can handle.

[Source]

Level 1 contains these six juices in the following order each day:

(1) Green Juice, (2) Pineapple Apple Mint, (3) Green Juice, (4) Spicy Lemonade, (5) Carrot Beet Apple Lemon Ginger and, the one I look forward to all day long, (6) CASHEW MILK.

Why did I decide to shell out my hard earned and in limited supply cash now to do yet another juice fast?

• My stomach has been BAD lately. Bloating, pain, etc. I had no relief. Once again, I needed a break.
• I overindulged over the holiday weekend, even though I a Jew!  Needed to get back on track.
• I got an email from BPC offering 25% off. An offer I couldn’t refuse given my other reasons.

So here I am on Day 3 and I must say it hasn’t been too bad at all. I’m doing this with my good blogger friend Maggie which has been great for support. We gchat all day about the cleanse. Maggie is doing Level 3 which is good for her since she loves the greens. She actually hates the cashew milk, which is my favorite. I want to do a cashew milk only cleanse. If only I could trade Maggie my greens for her cashew.

The first day was tough in the sense that I just wanted to eat. I was working from home and I was in noshing mode. Of course, there was no actual need to nosh, especially since I had a food filled weekend upstate with my mom, brother, Mallory and her family. The weekend consisted of peanut butter cup cookies, noodle pudding, sweet potato casserole, broccoli casserole, french toast . . . you get the picture. Not the way one is supposed to transition into a cleanse, but what can you do.

I decided to use my rebounder  during the day (figured this would be a great time to reap its benefits) but ended up only doing 10 minutes due to work and laziness.

Once again, I was surprised by how not hungry I was. That doesn’t mean I didn’t want food (I had crazy cravings for foods I don’t even eat anymore), but I was full from my juices. I wasn’t even able to finish the red one (carrot, beet, apple, lemon, ginger) because I was so full. I did finish my beloved cashew milk. YUM. Made the whole day worth it. It is made with vanilla bean, agave and cinnamon.

And even though I went to bed full, I didn’t feel like I usually do after dinner — stuffed, unable to move, blah. None of that. I felt fine, but satisfied.

I woke up Tuesday morning and felt different. It was a sensation upon waking I have not experienced since, well, my last juice fast. How to describe it? I didn’t feel like my stomach was . . . there. Does that make sense? Normally when I wake up, the first thing I feel is my a heavy weight in my stomach. It sticks out in front of me. Now, it doesn’t always LOOK like it is sticking out. But it always, always feels like it. I wake up every day with this weight.

On Tuesday, I woke up with no weight.

I knew this cleanse was worth it.

When I got out of bed, I lifted my shirt and looked in the mirror. I didn’t recognize my own body. All the lumps and random spots of bloat throughout my abdomen were gone. I looked almost like I did before I got sick (I say almost because I did still gain weight). I wanted to wear a bikini! Too bad it’s the middle of winter. I miss being able to wear a bikini.

I sat down to work (from home again) and I just couldn’t get over how great I felt. No pain at all. No discomfort at all. I decided to get in a little workout and went to the building gym for 30 minutes on the elliptical.

When I got back, I started struggling. I just wanted to eat something post-gym. I told Maggie I was having a hard time. It’s hard not eating when you’re used to eating. I missed tastes, flavors, textures. Just like the last time. It is especially hard when you follow foodies and food companies on Twitter and read food blogs for fun.

I got back on track pretty easily, though. At 5:00 I left to go to my mom’s in Queens to visit with her, my brother and Mallory. Things got very difficult when Mallory made homemade vodka sauce for penne a la vodka. I wanted it so badly. I considered taking one piece of penne to try, but I didn’t. And luckily for me, they ate all the food up, and pretty quickly, so there was none for me to steal later. I did, however, take two slices of cucumber — one of Blueprint Cleanse’s allowed “cheat foods.”

I was able to finish all my drinks and even finish the one I couldn’t finish the day before. I really wanted tea — herbal tea is encouraged on BPC — but my mom didn’t have any. Instead, I made hot water with cinnamon and drank two mugs of  that. I assume cinnamon is OK since it is in the cashew milk. And it was really good! I wouldn’t mind drinking that every now and again.

Once again, the cashew milk was the star of the day. It was my redemption. My treat for getting through another day. And it is so filling, so even though I was awake watching Funny People after finishing it and then took a really long time falling asleep, I never felt hungry or tempted to get some food.

I woke up this morning at 7:30. Day 3.  Not hungry. At all. Worked until 9:00 before starting my hot water with lemon (blech) and first green juice. I didn’t finish the first green juice until 11.

I wasn’t very hungry and I have a really hard time getting the greens with romaine down.

Then my brother and Mallory came home with a box of Dunkin Donuts. WHAT.  Mallory also had a white hot chocolate! I never tried that before. I needed to know, I took a tiny sip. Heaven.

Moving on.

I have not taken any doughnuts. In a way, it is good I am doing the cleanse now because I probably would have gorged myself on doughnuts. Last night, I likely would have gone overboard on the garlic bread and pasta. So this is a good thing. I also would have gone to Applebee’s tonight if not for the cleanse. I am grateful to the cleanse in this sense.

So here I am in the middle of  Day 3, sitting next to a box of doughnuts. I’m not starving. I am only on juice #2 and it is 12:00. I can get through today. My stomach is calm. No rumbling, no movement, no pain, no bloat, no discomfort.

Oh yeah and it is flat. Sigh. I will miss this when it’s gone.

This is all bittersweet. I feel amazing now. I wish I could eat no solid food all the time, but obviously that is not possible. As great as I feel now, I know that as soon as I eat food again all the old problems will come right back. I wish I could wear a feeding tube attached to one of those silver stands with wheels like in hospitals, and just walk around with that all day.

And, I miss food. I miss eating. I miss flavors. I miss noshing.

I don’t think I will do another cleanse for awhile since they are costly and in the end, not so worth it for my long term comfort. I spend so much money on my GI problems, it’s just not something I can stick with. I am glad I did BPC again, though, and even gladder that I went to Level 1 this time. So much better than Level 3 for me. And I still have my cashew milk to look forward to at the end of the day.

Maybe I’ll put on a bikini tonight.

I RAN MY FIRST 10K!!! I can’t wait to post my recap and more importantly my amazing playlist, but not tonight. Here’s a brief explanation why.

There was an unfortunate accident involving red wine and my computer.

My writing homework is due Wednesday but I had to ask for an extension due to no computer. I will be working on that the rest of the week/weekend when I have a computer.

I want to give my race recap the attention it deserves! I didn’t run the race half-assed; I will not write the post half-assed.

My stomach is a serious disaster. I hate it. I am miserable. I just want to go have the surgery and not cry about this anymore. I am suffering and I am ready for this to be over. I need this to be over.

I had to cancel the Core Fusion class I was really looking forward to tomorrow morning because of above stated stomach problems. I am trying to do much more strength training and this week’s planned 2 Core Fusion schedule was going to kickstart it. Now, I am only going Friday morning. I hope. Still better than none!

Related to that, the boy has agreed to be my “trainer” once a week for strength purposes.

Work is crazy!! I am working on a major project that goes live on January 1. There is so much to do before then to make sure that day is not a disaster.

I have plans for so many nights over the next few weeks which is so unlike me. I saw a friend yesterday, seeing my cousin tomorrow, the boy’s office holiday party Thursday and two more friends next week. I also have two more 3 hour writing classes (so ready to have my Wednesdays back) plus lots of homework.

I hope to post my 10K once I find out if I am in any official photographs! I really think I will be this time. I smiled at many a camera along the way.

Sorry if I sound whiny or excusey. I am so happy for everything I have in my life, like the ability to run 10K, see friends often, a brother who is mush and take writing classes. I just need a good long rest. And maybe a surgery.

I might be too late but here is a contest at Hangry Pants for a yoga mat I want.

Have a great week!

Remember that type of puzzle on Wheel of Fortune??

So on Saturday, Missy announced some exciting news on her blog: Shape magazine contacted her to do a little feature about her weight loss a few years ago! They wanted to do a photo shoot of Missy doing an exercise she regularly does, and after the Core Fusion location didn’t work out, they decided to take pictures in a spin studio instead. The magazine told her to bring some friends along to pose as spin classmates. Missy asked me, her sister and our friend Melanie — and of course I said yes!

Early Saturday morning, I woke up and got dressed in an unusual pairing: workout clothes and full face of makeup. I walked over to the gym, which was conveniently at a New York Sports Club just a few blocks from the boy’s. I even stopped at Juice Generation along the way for a fresh pressed green juice. I arrived at the gym before the other girls, so it was just the NYSC employee, the camera men and me! It felt strange to be alone in a large gym. It also felt strange to see myself looking so even skinned and lip glossed in gym mirrors!

Shortly after Melanie arrived, and then Missy and her sister. We went into the spin room and the photographers arranged our bikes  and we got started. They instructed us to smile and snapped one picture after another. I wasn’t sure when was an appropriate time to blink, or to rest my smile for a second. I ended up not doing much of either.

But I loved it. I have to say, I could spend all day every day just smiling for cameras. I love pictures of myself! Not that I love how I look in pictures, but I just love smiling for them and being in them!

The people at this gym are kinda nuts. A spin class was starting at 9:30, so we had instructions to be out before then. At 8:45, an angry mob loomed outside the spin studio demanding entrance. Who goes to class 45 minutes before it starts?! These people were NOT happy. I also must mention that I tried to sign up for this spin class and found out that it booked up 2 days before. These people sure do love their spin. And they weren’t about to let a silly national magazine photo shoot get in the way of it!

One of these psychos was carrying a backpack from my own company’s fitness center. I didn’t say anything to him about it, but it does appear he belongs to 2 gyms. Or maybe he no longer works at my company; few do any more.

One woman in particular went especially crazy. She camped herself in front of the door and wouldn’t move, angrily mumbling to herself the entire time. She seemed to be, along with the company backpack man, the leaders of the mob.

Eventually, the mob forced their way in to the photo shoot and started setting up camp on bikes, even taking it upon themselves to MOVE the bikes back to their original locations (they were all rearranged for the shoot). These people are nuts!

After the shoot, the photographer showed us the proofs on the computer and they look amazing! Missy especially looks beautiful. The magazine comes out in January and I can’t wait!

Since spin filled up and I didn’t have regular sneakers with me (silly me), I used a wrench I carry in my gym bag to tighten my spin shoes to instead remove the hooks from the shoes. Oh G-d I hope I can get them back on. In retrospect, I really should have taken a picture of how they looked before removing them. Once I removed the feet clips I was able to go use the elliptical.

I started to feel some serious gym envy. I used to belong to a gorgeous, 7 floor (+ rooftop deck), fancy and expensive gym. After I injured my knee, started going for weekly expensive stomach treatments, and officially stopped going to my own apartment for anything other than mail, I quit that gym and started running outside and using the boy’s building gym.

Now, running outside season is over. The building gym is so boring I cannot bring myself to get there. There are no TVs that you can actually listen to and they have the type of ellipticals that I hate — as in, the type that have NO incline option. I never get a good workout on them! There are some boring treadmills, although I need like a TV to run anything more than 3 miles on them — if I even get to the place to do that (oy I sound like a whiny brat.). There is one very old stairmaster and a couple of even older bikes. I am not complaining! Having a building gym is a luxury that I never knew before, and it was so cool for me at first. But the coolness wore off as I find myself opting to sit at home watching TV rather than go there. It is just too boring and un-fun to take.

So here I am at a gym with tons and ton of machines. Machines I never even heard of! There is one that is like an elliptical and a stepper combined — anyone know of that one? It looked so cool! There are regular treadmills and also unusual treadmills that I am not sure the purpose of  — but would love to find out. There are so many of the ellipticals I love and miss (WITH incline) and also a bunch of the ones I don’t like as much. There are stairmasters and even the kind with moving stairs. Those are hard and I never get to do it anymore. And the best part of it all? Every single machine had its own TV. Every. Single. Machine.

And there are classes. When I was in the spin room for the photo shoot, Missy’s awesome house music was playing and I felt like I was in a class — and I wanted, craved, to be in a spin class. I miss it. I will never go overboard with it again, maybe once or twice a week at most, but I do miss it. I loved it, it was a part of my life. And there are some other classes as well, although this definitely seems like more of a machine gym for me.

As I was happily trotting away on the elliptical, I got to thinking. My thoughts went something like this:

I am sweating so much after just 15 minutes on this elliptical. I never sweat on the apartment elliptical. I can set this to intervals! It does the hard work for me, I just have to follow along. I am getting such a great workout, I will never have another workout like this all winter long. And the treadmills! I can definitely run good distances with my own TV! And I want to do that stair machine, and that hybrid machine and those strange treadmills. I want the option of spin.

If I stick with the apartment gym, the way things have been going, I will rarely work out. Look at me now. I ran a couple times a week outside to prep for my race, but the race is tomorrow and then what? On my training plan’s “cross-training” days, I didn’t even cross train. I just sat on the couch! If I belonged here, I would go and actually get some good workouts in. My endurance is so low, my strength non existent, I think I could improve my mood and myself if I join this gym.

Uhhh yeah. As for distance, it is not super close to the boy’s but it is an easy walk when the weather is agreeable and an easy bus ride door to door when it is not. And there is a NYSC across the street from work, so that would double my chances of making it to the gym. I always wanted to be able to workout during lunch and it always bothered me that I wasn’t allowed to join my own company gym due to a stupid rule that is surely causing them to lose a lot of money these days.

So, armed with the information of what all my friends who belong there pay, I marched myself to the membership office prepared to join. I figured especially now, during this economy, gyms were not doing so well. I read an article about it in the paper not long ago. I figured there must be some really great rates to get members in.

Wrong!

The price they gave me for the Gold membership, which would get me full access to my home gym and off peak access to other NYSCs was a much higher price than all my friends pay for their better Passport membership, which gets them access to all NYSCs at all hours. I told them this but they didn’t seem to care. The price discrepancy was huge, with the smallest being a $20 a month difference and the largest much more than that. But that is not even the issue. The issue is that I just can’t afford it. I don’t have the money.

So I left.

But of course I couldn’t stop thinking about it. My mind was set. And I wondered why I can’t afford the price they gave me . . . and of course, it hit me quickly, since I’m not an idiot.

I can’t afford a gym membership because I pay, in addition to $500/month on health insurance, about $650/month on other medical treatments, appointments, prescriptions, etc to maintain my day to day life with as little pain as possible. $500 alone is devoted completely to a weekly treatment I receive. It is no wonder I can’t afford a gym membership.

So I started thinking. One less treatment a week could help me pay for the gym. But then what about my GI health? But then what about my health cardiovascularly? What about my strength? What about being able to get out of bed in the morning without crying in pain?

Therein lies the predicament.

I want so much to create a healthy balance in my life: food, fitness, overall health. This balance is not possible as my overall health takes up ALL my resources. I already can’t eat salad. Now I can’t go to the gym?

Of course, all these stresses reinforce the fact that I now want to have this surgery. I need my life back.

I’m sure some of you are thinking I could try and get a discount from my health insurance (requires a year commitment and only saves a couple dollars) or from my job (same exact deal as the insurance, right down to the discount company used). So those options are not possible.

Back to the issue at hand. I decided to try and cut back on one medical treatment a month so I could have some money for the gym. This was a very hard decision and I am not 100% sure if it is the right one, but the gym is not permanent. I could be done after just 2 months if I decide it isn’t worth it. But since it is now two days after the photo shoot and I am still obsessing over the idea of a gym membership, I think I need to try. This is how I am. I obsess until I do. But first, I get to sample! Missy is giving me a free 1 week guest pass to New York Sports Club, so I can try the gym out for a week and then decide for sure what I want to do.

Although you know as well as I do that my decision has already been made. I am joining a gym.

After my free trial week is up, of course.

Do you consider the gym/working out a priority? Do you think it is worth it to spend a little money for your health?

True story. But first, an admission: Although I technically live in Manhattan, the apartment is so far away from the thick of it all that the boy calls it a suburb of Manhattan. As a result, I have never in my nearly 4 months of running outside run on city streets. One of the benefits of being in the burbs is having an actual running trail right in front of the apartment. All I have to do is run down a ramp and I am there!

I skipped my planned 5 mile run on Sunday — my last 5 mile run before next Sunday’s 5 mile race — because I got my hair blown out on Saturday (redeeming my free visit from Blow — remember that story? Well let’s just say this visit did not go smoothly either. More on that in an upcoming post). As a result, I did not want to mess up my hair. I chose to forego my training plan run in favor of pretty hair.

I set my alarm to wake up in the icy cold Monday morning for a boring treadmill session, but when I woke up my stomach was not having it. So the run had to wait. Tuesday had a much better forecast, so I decided to get an outside run in Tuesday morning — perfect. On Monday night, my stomach once again rebelled. This time, in the form of a pregnant lady’s belly or perhaps a basketball. I happened to glance down and was shocked to see my stomach in front of my face. It was huge! Massive. I looked pregnant and my maternal instinct told me to lovingly rub this massive bump of a belly. So I did.

My love for my unborn air bubble quickly subsided when I started to freak out. I have seen my tummy in all states of bloat, but this seemed worse than it has ever been. Or, more likely, worse than it has been in a very long time. Not only did I look about 5 or 6 months preggo, but the skin was taut and my stomach felt very strange to the touch.

In my freak out state, I took a photo of the belly, shirt rolled up in pregnant lady fashion. I sent it to Cassie in a state of alarm. I sent it to my brother with the message “GET IN MY BELLY.” I started to get worked up not only because I was in extreme pain and felt so much discomfort, but because I am still a girl and I can’t help but associate big belly with fat. Obviously I did not go from skinny to fat in the course of a few hours. But tell that to the girl with the giant balloon belly. Balloon Belly! That’s what they’ll call me!

I also was alarmed about my health. Why was this happening now? What was going on? The boy, a doctor, performed the doctor tap tap test, and bestowed on me the clinical diagnosis of air. Cassie agreed. The boy was concerned that something else was going on as well, and we discussed which hospital’s emergency room we would grace with our presence should my condition become worse. Luckily for both of us (me because pain sucks and him because he is studying for a big test) no ER visit was necessary. We fell asleep and although I woke up throughout the night nauseous (the boy says the word should be nauseated. why?), I was able to get up at 6 am for my outdoor run.

Because it doesn’t get light until 7 am now, I was not comfortable running on the path by the water in the dark. I opted to run on city streets which I had never done before, being in the burbs and all. I was a little worried about the traffic lights but figured it would be a nice change of pace. And it really was. I loved this run!

I felt great the entire time, comfy in my new Zensah leg compression sleeves and new Zobha workout pants (purchased at an online sale to have another pair of workout pants that can double as work pants, stretching to fit around my tum). There was lots to look at and no route to follow, so I got to explore the city. I ran where I wanted, when I wanted. Sticking of course to major populated streets. Thanks to my Polar RS300X sd, I knew my distance the entire time. I really just went with it on this run. If I wanted to run on a certain street or look for a restaurant I’d been meaning to try, I did. If I wanted to circle around the same block twice, I did. I felt extra camaraderie with the runners I ran into because we were running on the street! Sure, anyone can run on a running path. But here we all were on the street! Instant bondage bonding. Eventually, I headed home to make my 7:00 am curfew, and arrived at the door after 40:35 minutes of running 3.61 miles.

And today I felt so much better about my pregnant bloat that I felt comfortable sending the picture to a bunch of friends. I am so proud of my little bundle of joy air. Okay, proud is not at all correct. Coming to terms with it is more like it. I have not been feeling well at all lately . . . and my days of fitting into my pants have returned. Just in time for pants season. Woo hoo. I will call the surgeon next week to check in.

So, back to the matter at hand — almond cookies. Kinda.

So what happened was Gena posted this Almond Milk recipe and obviously I had to make it, and have to going forward every week of my life. So I made the milk, purchased a nut milk bag, and wound up with lots of almond pulp in addition to my heavenly milk. By the way, never buying Blue Diamond again.

I didn’t want to just toss the almond pulp like I toss my juice pulp every day, and the boy happens to love all treats almond (as do I), so I decided to make some almond cookies! A recipe online here, a recipe online there, I didn’t fully read any but I got the gist of what to mix together to make cookies. The problem? I don’t own all purpose flour. But! My gluten free pancake mix is actually called pancake AND baking mix. And they provide a recipe for muffins right on the bag! I figured, if it can make muffins, it can make cookies! Right?

So I mixed up all my ingredients (including agave! no sugar!) into a yummy batter. Then I greased a baking pan and shaped the dough like cookies on the pan. See photo:

Put in the oven at 350. I don’t actually know what cooking temperature is good for what, but I vaguely recalled reading the number 350 in one of the recipes I fleetingly glanced at.

After a little while, I went in to check on the cookies. They looked big and puffy and in major need of a flipping. I flipped them all over, thinking they looked suspiciously more like pancakes than cookies. They cooked on the other side and when I deemed them finished — can you imagine the delicious almond smells making their way through the apartment? — I removed them from the oven. They were definitely ready. But they definitely were NOT cookies.

The almond cookies I baked turned out to be almond pancakes.

I accidentally made pancakes! I am thinking this flour does NOT work to make cookies.

I have to admit, they taste great. Like, really great. Like, I’m upset I already ate dinner because I would have loved to have an almond pancake dinner. After eating some large crumbs/chunks of pancake, I put the pancakes on a plate and covered it in tinfoil. The boy emerged from his chamber of study and tasted a pancake. He LOVED it. I am so happy because I think he is generally skeptical of agave. But he does love his almond flavored treats, and this certainly qualifies. And now he has breakfast for tomorrow! He even gets to pour maple syrup on it.

So even though I failed miserably at masking cookies, at least I have a recipe to use with my almond pulp until I figure the whole cookie thing out — almond pancakes! Only next time, I think I’ll use my griddle . . .